The holiday season is generally the one chance per year that you get to spend quality time with all of your loved ones, and express gratitude for all that you have. For many families that means gathering over great food, watching football and talking about money.
Yes, you read that right!
Nothing says, ‘the holidays are here’ like discussing estate planning with your closest kin, right?
In all seriousness, with the holiday season right around the corner, there are at least two prime opportunities to get your family all under one roof and talking about important, yet possibly unspoken questions and worries that may be on the minds of many of your closest relations.
But talking about money with your family can be tough, especially when coupled with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Rest assured, it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are three tips to help you successfully navigate a financial conversation with your family during the holiday season, without it being awkward or uncomfortable.
1. Think Before You Speak
Parents are our very first teachers in life. They are tasked with the responsibility of putting us on the right path toward becoming well-adjusted, productive adults.
Since birth, we’ve done most of our learning from them (not the other way around), so it should be expected then that approaching the subject of money with our parents might feel awkward (or even a bit morbid, frankly) at first.
But, you can’t let your feelings cause you to shy away from these important conversations!
How to address it: Just because your family is all in one place, doesn’t mean it’s the right time to have an in-depth conversation about finances while you’re passing the gravy at dinner. Instead, have a well thought out plan of several topics that you would like to bring up and more importantly, how and when you plan to discuss them.
And don’t try to cover everything at once. Instead, plan to have more than one talk and clearly communicate that everything doesn’t need to be addressed in that first conversation.
2. Avoid the ‘Blame Game’
Few things cause more conflict among individuals than the perception of being criticized or attacked for the choices that you’ve made. This especially rings true on the topic of money.
Money is a touchy subject and can take a casual conversation to making someone full-on defensive in the blink of an eye. If things begin to get a little tense, take a step back and make sure that your approach is not contributing to any potential conflict.
How to address it: Even if you don’t approve of the way your family (parents or children) have managed their finances up to this point, placing blame or criticizing their efforts is the fastest way to lose the attention of your audience. Instead, you should talk to them about your concerns and find out about theirs.
Despite your personal feelings, periodically ask yourself, “Is what I’m saying adding value to the conversation or simply adding fuel to the fire?”
3. Try a Gentle Approach
There are two conversation topics that most people tend to try and avoid – money and death. Although inevitable, death is a subject that few want to talk about – especially when it relates to the people they love the most.
And let’s be honest, having a conversation about life Insurance, estate planning and dividing assets once your loved ones have passed on, is not an ideal holiday conversation. Liken your approach to the same way you would tip-toe through a landmine and proceed with caution.
How to address it: Use other people’s experiences as examples. Perhaps you have a colleague or neighbor that has been overwhelmed with managing their family member’s finances, because there was no financial plan in place.
Show your family that you care and keep the focus of the conversation on “what would happen if,” rather than, “who gets what, when.” When you place the focus on pre-emptive planning, rather than forecasting what should be done after a calamity occurs, the conversation has a much different (i.e. more pleasant) feel.
In Conclusion
There is no magic formula to having productive conversations about money with your family during the holidays.
But by thinking before you speak, avoiding blame and taking a gentle approach, you are opening the lines of communication surrounding a normally taboo topic.
And the good news is, if you handle things correctly, talking about money – even during the holidays – can increase communication, solidify family bonds and give everyone involved a greater understanding.